Parents - Don't Be Afraid to Parent!

Recently a mother and I were discussing her teenage daughter’s poor behavior and attitude, which was correlated to her use of TikTok and her unfettered access to the internet. The mother said with a sigh of resignation, “It’s just so sad that teens are so addicted to their phones…but what can you do?”

What can you do? You can be a parent! Yes, I know the peer pressure is tremendous to allow your kids a phone or device with endless free access to all the worst humanity has to offer (aka social media) – but as a parent your job is to form your children to be saints. Their souls are in your hands. We must be that first line of defense against the filth of the world. We would never allow them to go spend time with a pornographer; if we knew they were being bullied we would try to protect them; if something were harming their health we would spare no expense to rush them to the doctor. Then why are we allowing them a window into the cesspool of porn, hatred, time-wasting filth without any guidance? Study after study has shown the negative effects of the internet in general – and social media in particular – but still we turn a blind eye and wonder why our teenage sons and daughters struggle with identity crises, depression, self-hatred, addictions, aberrant behavior, laziness, a lack of desire for holiness!

Parents, do not abdicate your authority and your responsibility! At the end of your lives, the Lord will ask you how well you shepherded these souls He entrusted to you – whether or not you led them to Heaven and preserved their souls from sin to the best of your ability. We cannot use “oh, well everyone else’s kids have one, so my kid would be strange if they didn’t” as an excuse!

Will your kids be angry with you, maybe even say they hate you, if you put restrictions on their devices? Possibly. But their anger will be temporary – their gratitude will be eternal. Recently another friend who travels the country speaking about the dangers of social media was telling me that after her talk, she would always have many, many young adults come up to her with one of two reactions: “At the time I was furious with my parents for taking away my phone, but now I’m grateful.” OR “I really wish my parents had protected me from losing so much innocence.” No one has ever been grateful that their parents were so permissive!

So what can be done? First, do not give teens (or younger!) phones with internet or apps. There are plenty of dumb phones still in existence! If you must give them phones that access the internet, put parental restrictions on them. Install Covenant Eyes on your son’s phones – and on your home computers while you’re at it (almost every Confession I hear involves pornography, which is mortally sinful and perverts your son’s ability to view women as anything other than objects, which will have huge ramifications on his future relationships). Do not allow them to use their screens at meals or while alone in their bedrooms. Get the support of other families who have the same policies. Most importantly – do not try to be your kid’s friend, but be their parent. Authentic love requires boundaries, discipline, and sacrifice.

Your kid’s eternal welfare is worth it – do not say, “Alas, I can’t do anything – my kid needs to fit in.” It’s better to stand out here on earth because we are trying to fit into the Communion of Saints!