Homily for October 3, 2021
Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time
Marriage: A Match Made In Heaven
Many
years ago when I was teaching a group of middle schoolers about the Sacrament
of Matrimony, I invited a couple who had been married for more than fifty years
to give a presentation about how to have a successful marriage. At the end of
the presentation we opened it up for questions, and one precocious
seventh-grade boy raised his hand and asked, “Did you ever think about
splitting up?”
There
was a great awkwardness as they looked at each other, unsure of how to respond.
Finally, reluctantly, the wife said, “Well, yes, there have been days.” To
which the man, shocked, replied, “Really? You too?”
Marriage
is very difficult, because it puts two imperfect people together for life. But
marriage is also a Sacrament, which means that a husband and wife now receive
all the grace necessary to live it well. But what does it mean to live marriage
well? Let’s go back to the beginning, to God Who created marriage.
God
created marriage for two purposes: the mutual sanctification of spouses (in
other words, to get your spouse to Heaven), and the procreation and education
of children (in other words, to get your kids to Heaven). Marriage is not about
this world only – we live it in this world, but God gave it to us to
direct us to Heaven. Although I hope your marriage is happy here, ultimately
its goal is to lead us to the happiness of Heaven. Let’s dive deeper into these
two purposes to find out how to live it well.
The
first purpose of marriage is the mutual sanctification of spouses – to make
each other saints. If you put two sharp rocks in a tumbler and shook them
around for a few weeks, they would come out very smooth, because the rough
edges of each rock would wear off the rough edges of the other rock. In the
same way, two people in a marriage – both of whom are imperfect, flawed, and
have lots of rough edges – end up smoothing each other out. We grow so much in
patience, sacrifice, and love because in marriage we are forced to be
patience, to sacrifice, and to love. There’s no other option, because we made
the vows for life.
So if
you are in a marriage, you can help your spouse get to Heaven in many ways.
First, by praying for them – and by praying WITH them. An interesting statistic
– currently, about 33% of marriages sadly end in divorce. But if a couple
attends church together weekly, the divorce rate is 10%. If a couple attends
church together weekly and prays together daily, the divorce rate is only 2%.
This is because we need God to be the “glue” that holds a marriage together. By
our own strength, we would struggle…by God’s grace, we have strength to
overcome our natural human weaknesses with supernatural strength. Besides, a
spouse cannot be our primary relationship – our primary relationship
must be with God. We all desire total, unconditional love – which can only come
from God, not from a spouse. But when a person receives that love from God,
then they can approach their marriage, not as a way to desperately receive
the love that they’re thirsting for, but to give the love that they have
already received from God.
Second,
we can help our spouses get to Heaven by witnessing to them and encouraging
them in virtue. There are times when a husband or wife might struggle in faith
or in holiness – or perhaps not even be a believer. But that’s when prayer,
patience, and sacrifice can win over their spouse. I am reminded of Elizabeth
Leseur, a French woman whose cause for canonization (being made a saint) has
begun. She was a devout Catholic but married an atheist, who constantly
ridiculed and belittled her faith. She suffered a great deal because of her
husband Felix’s barbs, and would offer every small sacrifice for his
conversion. Tragically, she died young, but when Felix was going through his
wife’s belongings, he happened to come upon her journal. He was amazed to read
the depths of her faith – and the depth of her prayers and sacrifices for her.
He was converted and became a priest, due to her witness and sacrifices.
The
second purpose of marriage is to be fruitful and multiply. In fact, in Genesis,
that is God’s first commandment – have children! Again, this is directed to
Heaven – we don’t have children just to pass on the family name or leave a
legacy, but to help form new souls for Heaven. This gift of children should
amaze us to no end – only God can create, but He invites us to be co-creators
of new human life! And that new human life has an eternal destiny.
So how do
we get our children to Heaven? By making God the center of our family life. We
all like to think that is the case, but do we really prioritize our children’s
spiritual lives above all else? Are we willing to miss soccer practice for
spiritual events like Mass or religious education? Do we take time out of our
busy day to pray together as a family? Have we taught our kids that making
money and “being successful” aren’t as important as becoming a saint? Jesus in
today’s Gospel embraces these children and tells the Apostles, “Let the little
children come to Me” – are we more concerned about our children’s souls than
about their success on the sports field or in the classroom?
When I
die, I will have to stand before God and give Him an account of how well I have
led you, my parishioners, to Heaven. When a father or mother dies, they will
have to give an account of how well they have led their spouse and children to
Heaven. Blessed will that person be who has cared more about their holiness
than about their worldly happiness!
A brief
word to those in different situations: I know that some here have gone through
the pain of divorce, or have lost their spouse, or are unable to marry for
whatever reason. These can be difficult crosses to bear. Please know that the
Lord loves you in the midst of whatever pain and loneliness you may be enduring
– and your life can have great fruitfulness in many ways, even without the
Sacrament of Matrimony.
I want
to close with a great story of a couple who saw their marriage as a preparation
for Heaven: Saints Timothy and Maura. They lived during the persecutions of the
Roman emperor Diocletian in the early 300s. Both were devout Catholics, and
after their marriage, they began to secretly help the Church by storing the
scrolls of the Scriptures that would be read at Mass. It was against the law to
build a church, so the vessels and vestments and books had to be stored in
people’s private homes. But this was a crime punishable by death. Sadly, after
only 20 days of marriage, Timothy was arrested for being a Christian and was told
to surrender the holy books, which were hidden. He refused, and his captors
said, “Don’t you see the instruments we have for torturing you?” To which
Timothy responded, “Don’t you see the angels strengthening me?”
So his
captors pulled the ultimate weapon – they captured his wife Maura and
threatened to torture her if Timothy did not relent. But heroically,
Maura replied, “Timothy, I will never speak to you again if you deny Christ.”
They tortured her, but she refused to budge. Finally, the captors crucified
both of them on crosses facing each other – and as they hung there, they sang
hymns together, encouraged one another, and prayed together. They finally died,
but their death was so holy that their captor eventually converted to Christianity
and was martyred himself.
May all
of our marriages be so focused around Christ that they inspire the whole world
to desire Heaven!
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