Homily for
Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time
October 7, 2018
Marriage
Many
years ago, I was running a faith-formation program for a group of middle school
kids. We were working on learning about the Sacrament of Matrimony, so I
invited a couple from my parish to speak with the kids. They had been married for
over 50 years, so their testimony was quite inspiring. After their
presentation, we asked if the kids had any questions. One young man raised his
hand and asked, “Have you ever thought about splitting up?”
There
was an awkward pause as husband and wife looked at each other nervously.
Finally the wife spoke. “Yes, there have been times…”
The
husband looked at her with surprise. “Really? You too?”
Jesus’
teaching on marriage in today’s Gospel is one of His most difficult teachings –
He says that one who remarries after a divorce (without the benefit of an
annulment) is committing adultery. He really couldn’t be any clearer than that,
but let’s look at the why behind what Jesus is teaching.
We go
all the way back to the beginning to see the very origins of marriage. From our
first reading, which Jesus references, we can see that marriage is a divine
reality, not merely a human one. This is the first relationship that God
creates – not a country, not a village, not friendship, but a family – a husband
and wife who are given to each other. It is so significant that Eve is created
from Adam’s rib, for two reasons: first, the rib is nearest to the heart, signifying
that Adam and Eve should hold nothing back from each other but truly give each
other their “hearts” – share their entire life with the other. Also, the rib
shows their equality – if Eve were created from Adam’s head, that would have
symbolized her domination over him; if she were created from Adam’s foot, that
would mean that she is subject to him. But instead, she was created from his
rib, from the center of his body – so that they would share equality.
This
relationship was unique in all of creation, because it was meant to be
one-flesh union – a total gift of every last part of oneself to one’s exclusive
spouse. This gift-of-self must be free, total, faithful, and fruitful. When one
chooses to freely give oneself to another in marriage, this gift must be total,
leaving nothing behind. A husband and wife share each other’s names, bank
accounts, destinies, home, and family. Since this gift is total, it must be
exclusive – once you have given yourself to another, you no longer can possess
yourself to give it away to someone new. It’s like if I give you a $20 bill, I
can’t give that same $20 bill to another person because it’s yours now. In
marriage, a husband belongs to his
wife. A man is no longer just “John Smith” – he is “John Smith, the husband of
Mary Smith.” His very identity is different because he has given himself away.
And to give away this love to your spouse is to open yourself to the life that
God wants to pour into a marriage.
This
sounds like a beautiful image for marriage, but as the infomercials say…but
wait, there’s more! This entire view of marriage, as a self-giving, one-flesh
union, is meant to be a very image of God’s love for His people! Marriage is
beautiful because it reflects a heavenly reality! Just as a husband and wife
give themselves to each other in marriage, Jesus Christ has given Himself to
His Bride, the Church. From the side of sleeping Adam came His Bride; from the
side of Christ as He sleeps on the Cross comes out blood and water – the Sacraments
of Baptism and Eucharist, which make up the Church. God desires to become one
flesh with us in the Eucharist, as a husband desires to become one flesh with
his wife, and this one-flesh union should bear fruit – in the Eucharist, the
fruit of holiness; in marriage, the fruit of children.
I don’t
know if you’ve ever read the Song of Songs, but it’s one of the books of the
Bible that is definitely not G-rated! This book is passionate love poetry,
where a groom expresses his love for his wife in some unique poetic terms… “Your
cheeks are like pomegranates; your hair is like a flock of goats running down a
mountainside.” Try that on your wife and you’re likely to get a strange look.
But when St. Theresa of Avila began writing an explanation of this book of the
Bible, her fellow nuns were scandalized. They said, “How can you write about
such a steamy book? It’s shocking!” St. Theresa merely smiled and replied, “Have
you never tasted the Eucharist?” God desires this one-flesh union with us – a union
that is mirrored in creation by marriage!
Looking
at marriage through this lens – created by God, meant for one-flesh union, a
total gift of self that is free, total, faithful, and fruitful, that reflects
God’s Divine love for humanity – then we can understand why the Church holds up
marriage as such a beautiful gift, and why She teaches what she does about
marriage and sexuality. For example, the Church teaches that contraception is a
grave sin, because one cannot make a true gift of self if they are not giving
the gift of their fertility to their spouse. The Church teaches that any sexual
act outside of marriage is gravely immoral, because a man and woman cannot give
themselves faithfully and freely without the sacred Covenant of marriage, a
marriage that is supposed to reflect the Covenant of God with His People. It
isn’t possible to redefine marriage to be two men or two women, either, if
marriage is created (and therefore defined) by God and directed towards that
fruitfulness of children. Jesus teaches us that civil divorce does not change
your marital status in the sight of God, and therefore the first Sacramental marriage
is not ended with a civil divorce and therefore the person is not free to marry
again.
All of
this sounds like Christ and His Church are saying, “No, no, don’t do this, don’t
do that.” But in reality, the Church is saying a resounding “yes” – a yes to a
vision of marriage that reflects a divine reality; a vision of marriage that is
free, total, faithful, and fruitful self-gift.
When we
speak of this vision of marriage, we recognize that not every marriage is
perfect – and this homily is not meant to criticize anyone who is divorced, or
to judge anyone who has fallen into sins against the dignity of marriage. “All
have fallen short of the glory of God,” and our marriages are not exempt. Satan
has a special hatred for marriage because it is the most perfect reflection of
divine love on earth, and so many marriages have fallen apart in our modern
society. But when we invite Christ into our marriage, we will find it begins to
be formed into the holiness it was made for. A fascinating statistic: About 40%
of marriages end in divorce. But if a couple attends church together weekly,
the divorce rate is 35% less. Couples that pray together daily have only about
a 2% divorce rate. Couples that pray together daily and do not use artificial
birth control have less than a 1% divorce rate. Inviting Christ into your
marriage and following His teachings on marriage and sexuality will lead to a
better, more fulfilling life. I know that’s a bold claim, but it’s one I am
willing to defend. My friends, if you are married, stay faithful to one another
and invite Jesus into your marriage. If you are young and are not yet married,
practice purity and save your self-gift until marriage. All of us, let us pray
for the marriages in our community – that by God’s grace, they may be radiant
signs of God’s love in the world.
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