Twelve-Step Spirituality

* Note: From 2008-2010, I wrote an occasional blog for the Archdiocese of Baltimore's website. This is one of those blog posts. *

Title: Twelve-Step Spirituality

 

            I must admit, I really love going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. No, I’ve never done drugs. I just go to observe, to sit quietly in the back and listen to the words and testimonies of those who are struggling to get clean.

            I went to one this past Wednesday. I am always so inspired by these people. Their humility and dependence on God knows no bounds! All of them who are there admit that they have a problem, and that they’re powerless to resist drugs. They fully and freely own up to their imperfections and sins, while realizing that there is a God who wants them to be free of the curse of addiction and come to live a sober, clean lifestyle.

            Through listening to them, I can certainly understand the words of Jesus, “Prostitutes and tax collectors will enter the Kingdom of Heaven before you.” These men and women have, in some ways, a much deeper grasp on the essentials of the spiritual life – humility, recognition of their own sinfulness, a transforming trust in God – than I could ever hope to have. The curse of drug addiction has become, for them, the blessing of knowing God’s saving power.

            I need to go and be with them every now and then to remind myself of just how prideful and self-satisfied I can be as a Christian. Don’t we so easily think that we have it all together? I mean, sure, Jesus helps out a little bit, but if we’re truly honest with ourselves, sometimes we think we deserve Heaven because we live good lives, stay away from major sins, and pray.

            This often-underlying perception couldn’t be further from the truth. We are wretches before the holiness of God. We need more than just a little help, we need a spiritual resurrection from the dead!

            I know that as I have been preparing for the priesthood, every year (and sometimes multiple times per year) I have been evaluated by my superiors, my pastors, my teachers, and even by myself (as I write self-evaluations). It’s natural, I think, to try to put our best foot forward when we’re being evaluated, to show our strengths and our growth and how we are ready for the priesthood. This is common across the board in every profession, I think – I mean, people don’t put their weaknesses on their resume, right?

            But the danger that I have found is that all this focus on my strengths and gifts makes me start to downplay my weaknesses and my utter dependence upon God’s grace for even the air I breathe. I start to get a little bit smug about who I am and how I’ve got my life in order. The temptation to pride is very real and very appealing.

            That’s why I find it so beautiful to be around these holy addicts at Narcotics Anonymous. These are people who don’t have it all together, who have a painfully obvious weakness – and who know that they are profoundly loved by a merciful God Who they depend upon for everything.

            I can learn a lot from people like them.