Homily for October 4, 2015 - Ordinary Time 27

Homily for October 4, 2015

Ordinary Time 27

Sacredness of Marriage

 

            One time I was teaching a catechism class to a group of seventh-and-eighth grade boys. The topic was marriage, so I invited an elderly couple from the parish to come and speak to them. They gave a great presentation about the joys and trials of their 53-year marriage, and then at the end, they asked if there were any questions.

            One precocious boy raised his hand and asked, “Did you ever think about splitting up?”

            There was an awkward pause, before the woman slowly replied, “Well…there have been days.”

            The man just looked at her with surprise and said, “Really? You too?”

            I don’t think there is ever a marriage that doesn’t go through a time of turmoil. The question is, what do you do when you reach a rough patch? Do you give up – or pray hard, sacrifice hard, and stay faithful to your vows?

            My parents have been married for almost 35 years, and so I asked them what the secret was to a happy marriage. My mom said, “Patience.” My dad said, “Dying to self…giving up what you want for the good of your spouse.” Seems like my mom got the better end of the deal! But I would wager that a mixture of both are needed for a successful marriage!

            Marriage is not a mere cultural convenience – it’s the foundational building block of society. This is why Jesus comes across very strict in the Gospel – He wants to emphasize the sacredness of the marriage bond. He means what He says – in the eyes of God, a valid marriage is indissoluble (in other words, it cannot be broken). For this reason, a civil divorce does not break the bond that God Himself has formed.

            But we live in a fallen world, where it isn’t easy to keep one’s vows. How do we stay faithful in the midst of the ups and downs of marriage?

            Where I went to school there was a small Eucharistic Adoration chapel called the Portiuncula, or the “Port”, for short. I used to love to go and pray there, but since I went to a very devout Catholic college, it was also the place where many couples would go to get engaged. It became such a hot spot for engagements that it was a running joke – “Oh, I heard John and Sally are going to the Port to pray. You know what that means…”

            But there’s something very profound about getting engaged in front of the Eucharist, because that meant that they were putting God at the center of their marriage. And isn’t that the true secret to a happy marriage? If both husband and wife have God at the center of their marriage, then that marriage is secure.

            A wise priest once told me the best advice I ever heard about dating. He said, “Start running after Jesus. Once you’ve been running for a while, look around and see who’s running with you – those are the people you want to date.” So true! When a couple’s heart is set on God, then no difficulty will be able to shake them.

            Our churches of St. Mary’s & St. Benedict’s are a wedding destination. They are beautiful churches, close to some great reception sites, so we have a large number of couples who come from out-of-town to be married here. Many of them get married here because their parents or grandparents tied the knot before this very altar. But we always challenge them – are you here because you want a pretty church, or are you here because you want God in the middle of your marriage? Because the pretty church will look great in a photo album, but only God’s grace will give you the ability to come back here for your fiftieth wedding anniversary.

            And we do need grace! Marriage is a supernatural union of two very imperfect people. He leaves the toilet seat up; she leaves the toothpaste cap off. He has a weird laugh; she has difficult in-laws. God’s grace alone will get us through it all – and we receive this grace through the Sacraments, through praying together as a spouse, through obeying Church teaching about marriage and sexuality, through being open to life.

            Statistics bear this out – the American divorce rate is somewhere between 35-50% (depending on what study you read). But for those who attend church together weekly, the divorce rate drops to 10%. For those who attend church together weekly and pray together daily, the divorce rate is 2%. For those who attend church together weekly, pray together daily, and do not use artificial birth control, the divorce rate is .2%. When we open our marriages to God’s grace, He will give us the strength to be faithful to our vows.

            Now a word for those who live in difficult marriages – God sees your struggle, and has deep compassion for you. Continue to draw close to Him in the Sacraments. Pray for your spouse. If you are able, stay with your spouse. There are occasions where divorce is the right option – if you are being abused, for example, please do not stay in such a situation! In such a case, it might be possible to get an annulment. An annulment is NOT a “Catholic divorce”. Rather, it’s a declaration that no valid marriage existed in the first place. You may have heard that Pope Francis recently streamlined the annulment process – that simplifies the process. I encourage you to explore that option.

            For those who are divorced already – the Lord loves you always. Divorce is not sinful in itself – only divorce and remarriage without an annulment. Divorce is always a cross, it is always painful. But the Lord walks through it with you and offers you His strength.

            In all, marriage is tough, especially in today’s moral climate. But God is faithful, and if He is at the heart of our marriages, then we will be able to remain faithful as well to the sacred vows that we took on the day of our wedding!