Ordinary Time 29 - Christian Friendship

 

Homily for Ordinary Time 29

October 19, 2025

Christian Friendship

 

            A young college student named Francis ended up being assigned an interesting roommate: an older man, an ex-soldier, named Ignatius, who had just gone through a major conversion to Christ. Francis was a party animal who wanted nothing of Ignatius’ religiosity, but despite their differences, the two became close friends and ended up rooming together for three years. They got along well except for one annoying habit: every single day, Ignatius would say to his friend, “Francis, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?”

            Day after day, Ignatius would say this, and Francis grew rather annoyed. He told him to mind his own business, that he wasn’t all that religious and that this question was really bothersome: “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” But Ignatius never stopped – year after year.

            It began to wear down his younger friend. Finally, in the third year of college, Francis broke down and realized that Ignatius was right – it was meaningless to pursue all the parties, the girls, the success without even a thought to his own soul. He finally said, “Ignatius, you’re right. I’ve been wasting my life without Christ. What must I do?” Ignatius told him about a new group he was founding, called the Company of Jesus, and Francis agreed to join. We now know them as St. Ignatius of Loyola and St. Francis Xavier, two of the first six Jesuits. It was friendship that led Francis to become a saint!

            All of us need friends – and our readings are all about that. In the first reading, Moses is given a task by God to help Israel win the battle, by raising his hands aloft. But he couldn’t do that without Aaron and Hur to help him when he grew tired. In the second reading, Paul is writing to his friend and protégé Timothy, who is a close collaborator in Paul’s work. Neither Paul nor Moses were a “lone ranger” – they knew that they needed others to accomplish God’s tasks.

            We too need Christian friends, but we are sometimes afraid to admit it. A 2020 study found that 28% of young men say they have zero close friends. So many are turning to technology – a Pew Research Study from 2024 revealed that 67% of young adults have interacted with an AI “companion” (a website where you can have a “conversation” with a computer that responds like a real person) and 23% prefer digital relationships to human relationships. But our hearts yearn for real, authentic, healthy friendships – all of us!

            But what makes a Christian friendship unique? Aristotle identifies three levels of friendship. First is friendship of utility – I’m friends with this person because they can do something for me. Maybe they can help my career, or they’re one of the “cool kids,” or they just take away my loneliness. But fundamentally this is based on using another person, not love. A second type of friendship is friendship of pleasure – I’m friends with this person because we like to do fun stuff together. This would be our fishing buddies, sports teammates, coworkers with whom we like to share a drink. Nothing wrong with these friendships, but they’re pretty shallow and they don’t require a whole lot of commitment. But Aristotle mentions a third, deeper kind of friendship – what he calls friendship of virtue, where we have a common goal of becoming a virtuous, holy person and pursuing Christ together. This is a deep, lasting friendship based on the only enduring bond: the love of Jesus Christ.

            So how do we find those kinds of friendships? A wise priest once gave some profound dating advice that we can apply to friendships: “Start running after Jesus, and once you’ve been running after Him for a while, look around and see who’s running with you. That’s who you should date.” That’s also who you should become friends with – people who are pursuing Christ, who make you a better person. One day I opened a Dove chocolate to find the inside message to be quite profound: “Your vibe attracts your tribe.” If you pursue Christ, you will find Christ-centered friendships.

            But then, of course, we have to actually go out and seek friendships, instead of waiting for them to come to us. My mom had a great saying: “The phone works both ways” – in other words, instead of waiting for someone else to take the initiative in a friendship, maybe I need to go out and get to know fellow Christians – through Walking With Purpose, our men’s groups, Youth Encounters, etc. I know everyone thinks they’re an introvert, but really we’re just all stuck in our middle-school mindset where we’re afraid of rejection. And that’s where Christ can help us – if we realize that we are profoundly, passionately loved by Him, then we can take risks in relationships because we are grounded in our identity in Christ. No matter whether I fit into this group or develop this friendship, my deeper friendship with Christ is unshakeable.

            But there’s the key – our deepest friendship must be with Christ. But let me ask – do you have only a friendship of utility with Him? I often bring food to Cardinal Kung because you win the hearts of teenagers through their stomachs. So I had a plate of cookies one day and this sixth-grader named Kenny asked if he could have one. I gave him one and he replied, “Gee, Fr. Joseph, you’re very easy to manipulate!” Kids say the darndest things…but don’t we often treat God like that, just a Divine Vending Machine? “What do I want today – healing, a job, help on a test…” and we put in our three Hail Mary’s and think that we will get what we want. But apart from asking God from stuff, we don’t ever spend time with Him.

            This is a friendship of utility, and it is not the point of the Gospel! Jesus talks about how God wants to give us good things if we persevere in prayer, but then He says these words which have always haunted me: “When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” In other words, are we merely using God to get what we want, or will we have a living faith that seeks Him for His sake, loves Him, and trusts that He gives us what we truly need?

            We develop that kind of friendship with Christ in a similar manner as our other friends. We spend time with Him – prayer, the Sacraments. We listen to Him – He speaks through His Word in the Bible. We begin to adopt His values. We try to please Him in our thoughts, words, and deeds.

            So, pursue Christian friendships – we deeply desire them, and they will make us happier and holier. And most fundamentally, pursue a friendship with Christ. Then our faith becomes less about a set of doctrines and rules, and more about a love affair with a God Who calls us “friends”.