Ordinary Time 23
September 6, 2020
Tough Love
One day
during the summer of 1852, a wealthy young man named Francois Dorel was
approached by a friend who asked him, “Have you heard of the priest in the
nearby town of Ars? He is rumored to work miracles. I intend to go to
Confession to him tomorrow – will you come with me?”
The
young man Francois had no faith, but he replied, “I will go with you, for
perhaps I can go bird hunting in the ponds near Ars, while you go to
Confession!”
So the
two of them set off on the two-day journey – the friend making a devout
pilgrimage, while Francois brought his gun and his dog for hunting. When they
arrived at Ars, they saw crowds of pilgrims surrounding the church, as the
priest, St. John Vianney, was out blessing the people. Out of curiosity
Francois wanted to see what all the hubbub was about, so he drew near with his
dog.
Immediately
the saint stopped blessing the people and looked directly at the young man and
exclaimed, “My friend, I wish that your soul was as beautiful as your dog!”
Francois
was cut to the heart. His dog was faithful, loyal, and living as a dog should –
but he, a baptized Christian, was unfaithful to God and living in sin! He
quickly ran away to a quiet location where he reflected on those words; then,
he gave up his dog and gun and made a good Confession to St. John Vianney. The
saint urged the young man to become a monk, and Francois died as a holy
Trappist.
One
might say that those words of St. John Vianney were harsh or cruel. What an
insult! Or…what an act of love. What motivated St. John Vianney to speak such
words? He loved souls and wanted them to come to conversion.
St. Paul
tells us that “love is the fulfillment of the law” and that the only debt we
should owe to one another is love. But what is love?
Love is
NOT just being nice to people. Love is NOT letting people do whatever they
want. Love is NOT affirming people in every choice they make.
Rather,
St. Thomas Aquinas defines love as “willing the good of the other.” We desire
the other person’s benefit – even if it is costly, difficult, or uncomfortable.
What is the ultimate good of every human being? The salvation of their souls.
All the riches, pleasures, comfort, and success of this world cannot compare
with the Ultimate Good of possessing God for eternity.
So if we
truly love someone, we should seek their True Good – the salvation of their
souls.
Why is
this important? Because our culture completely misunderstands the nature of
love. You have probably seen those yard signs around town that have a
misunderstanding of love. One yard sign says, “Love is love” – implying that if
you do not support homosexual marriage, you are a “hater”. Another yard sign
says, “Hate has no home here” – implying that if you support legal restrictions
on immigration, you are motivated by hatred. But both of these are based on
serious misunderstandings of the nature of love.
In fact,
one of the biggest lies that our culture tells us about love is that if you
love someone you have to support every decision they make. This is false! If a
child is about to touch a hot stove, you say, “No!” and grab their hand away.
Will they cry and be upset? Sure. But is it loving? Absolutely. In the same
way, when we see our family members engaging in behavior that is sinful or self-destructive,
do we not have an obligation to speak – out of love?
Jesus
instructs us how to do that in the Gospel. He says that first we must go
directly to that person (how often do we, instead, go and tell others about a
person’s fault, instead of telling the person directly?). If that doesn’t work,
join forces and approach them. If that doesn’t work, get the Church involved.
Why? Isn’t it easier not to speak up, to live and let live? Should we just let
the guy continue cheating on his wife, or let your son keep living with his
girlfriend, or let your uncle continue to drink and be abusive to his spouse?
Yes, it’s easier – but it’s not loving. If we truly want to love, we must “will
the good of the other” – even when it’s difficult.
But – we
must make sure we are motivated by love; that is, by a genuine care and concern
for the well-being of others. It is too easy to be motivated by judgment, or
self-righteousness, and thereby lose a soul. When we give careful, prudent,
discreet advice to help someone change their life, we must also make it clear
that we want what is best for them, and that we love them even if we do not approve of their choices.
Love is often tough – Jesus said
some very tough things to the scribes and Pharisees – because He loved them.
Personally, Jesus has said some very tough things to me in prayer, because He
knows I need to change and repent. Perhaps you’ve had the same experience, when
God convicts you of sin or shows you how He wants you to change. Yet along with
those tough things, we know that we are still His beloved sons and daughters
and He wants what is truly best for us.
So here
are the three takeaways from today’s homily: first, love does not mean just
being nice, but truly willing the other’s good – and the highest good is
eternal salvation with God. Second, to truly love someone might mean to offer
them “tough love” in word and deed, because we desire their deep and
everlasting happiness. Third, we must make sure that any “tough love” we offer
is covered in mercy and compassion, following the example of Jesus.
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