Church Etiquette

Bulletin Column for January 12, 2020 – Church Etiquette

            We’ve all been there – we are lost in prayer, totally drawing close to God. We are about to enter the seventh mystical mansion of St. Teresa of Avila’s “Interior Castle”; our souls is about to be mystically united to God as we are lost in the abyss of contemplation and devotion. Joy and peace and love shower down upon us, and we feel like we are on the very threshold of Heaven.

            And then someone’s cell phone rings in church.

            The moment is lost, our contemplation is broken, and suddenly we’re transported back from Heaven to a hard pew on 279 Atlantic Street – all because of a cell phone!

            Church etiquette is important! In a church that is as diverse as ours, it is important to observe a few simple rules to make sure that everyone finds St. John’s as a prayerful, peaceful place. Nothing is more annoying than interrupted prayer or needless distractions. So, my fellow church-goers, here is a (tongue-in-cheek) guide to church etiquette at St. John’s Basilica!

            Number one: silence your cell phone! I promise that it’s not God calling you on your iPhone 11! Now, all of us make mistakes and forget to silence it (it’s happened to me a couple times when celebrating Mass) but for Heaven’s sake (literally), don’t let it ring forever – no one wants to hear all four verses of “Despacito” before it finally goes to voicemail!

            Number two: don’t answer your cell phone! Sadly, this happens every single weekend here – not sure when that ever became acceptable church behavior!

            Number three: as quietly as you think you’re whispering, someone can still hear you. Whether we’re whispering our Hail Mary’s or trying to whisper to a friend, it’s still distracting.

            Number four: in America, standing, kneeling, and sitting are acceptable prayer postures. Some people look like they’re doing calisthenics in their worship, with hands raised, swaying, prostrations, and other movements that are usually found on a dance floor. If you wish to pray expressively, just do it in the back of church where no one can be distracted by your prayer!

            Number five: dress modestly. Even if you’ve studied John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”, the only people who were ever “naked without shame” were Adam and Eve. This isn’t a big problem in the winter, but summer is just around the corner…

            Number six: consider other people’s sight-lines. If there are only three people in the church, don’t come in and plop down in the pew right in front of them so that they can’t see the altar!

            Number seven: as Aquinas said, “Virtue is in the middle!” We’ve all seen those aisle-huggers who refuse to scoot to the middle, meaning that latecomers have to crawl over them. Just a little scoot goes a long way to welcoming our neighbors!

            Number eight: don’t sleep (or at least don’t snore). Hey, even saints fell asleep in the chapel (Bl. Fulton Sheen once conked out completely for a Holy Hour, and when he awoke he asked the Lord if it was pleasing to Him – the Lord replied to him, “I forgive you…but don’t do it again!”). It happens – but it should only happen by accident and not on purpose (unless you’re under seven years old…). And make sure you don’t snore!

            Number nine: no gum! What is fine at the mall or the baseball field just doesn’t cut it for the King of Kings.

            Number ten: don’t leave Mass early (without an absolutely urgent reason). Remember – the first person to leave Mass early was Judas. And no, being the first in line at Donut Delight does not count as an urgent reason.

            Number eleven: tears are good – tissues are gross. St. Augustine wrote, after the death of his mother, “I allowed the tears which I had been holding back to fall, making them a pillow for my heart, and my heart rested on them.” Whether in grief or joy, God grants us tears as a healing release. But once the tears have dried up, please take your used tissues with you – every weekend we find them crumpled on the pews!

            Number twelve: let the little children come unto Me…within reason. I love the fact that our church has so many little kids – thank you for bringing them to Mass! But there comes a time in every kid’s tantrum that it just gets distracting, and little Johnny could use a small visit to the vestibule of the church so he can calm down. No shame in that!

            Hopefully this was a little bit helpful (and humorous) – we have a wonderful church and a wide variety of people from all backgrounds and walks of life. Respect and consideration are two virtues that can help St. John’s be the best it can be!

            Stay tuned for Part II on Etiquette for Receiving Communion…